Can we talk about this and how it applies to education for a minute? A few things before I dive into this… I 100% agree with the people who say that educators and schools are unfairly judged by society and the people who make the educational decisions in this country. They don’t truly understand what it takes to be a teacher or what is going on in any of our classrooms on a daily basis. They never will until they spend the time actually IN the schools and classrooms that they judge and become more informed about what is actually happening in those classrooms. That’s not what this post is about though.
This post is about how our thoughts can affect our interactions with our students and their families. Every day, your students show up in your classroom and you have NO idea what their morning was like. You also have no idea what that morning was like for their parents either. If you are a fellow parent and are the one who gets everyone ready and then drops your children off at the sitter’s house, daycare, or school, I know you will understand this. Some mornings it’s like working a full day BEFORE work to get everyone out of the door on time.
My three year old is as determined as a mule. I choose to use determined over stubborn because it just has a better connotation, but you all, he makes me question everything I know about child development daily. 😂 All joking aside, he (and his little brothers) make me a better person and teacher daily.
He HATES to get dressed every single day. He hates to take off the pull-up he wore to bed (which is usually dry) and put on his underwear. Most days, he hates to brush his teeth, put on his shoes, or get in the car to go anywhere, even if it’s the weekend. Before you all hit me with the sensory piece, as a special educator, I recognize that there is probably some sensory pieces and a little anxiety mixed in there but overwhelmingly for him, it’s about control. He’s a homebody and nothing makes this kid happier than staying at home and playing with his toys every day. He’s just content at home.
My point for telling you about my son is this: today, he woke up easily. He was excited to leave and go to the babysitter’s house. He brushed his teeth, changed out of the pull-up, put on his coat and shoes, ate breakfast, and walked out of the house easily. He did everything he fights me on every morning, except one…he wanted to wear his Blippi pajamas today. When he gets into something, this boy goes all in with his whole heart (he is determined after all). When he was younger, we went through a Mickey stage, which then became a Star Wars stage with some Puppy Dog Pals, Muppet Babies, and PJ Masks sprinkled in there. Right now, we are in the thick of the Blippi stage. He has a pair of pajamas (that came with a hat) and the orange glasses. He would wear them and sleep in them 24/7 if we let him. He even insisted on taking a toy fire truck to bed last night (thanks, Fire Truck song).
So I was faced with a decision…do I rock the smooth morning we were having (which rarely happens) and make him get dressed or do I let him just wear the stupid pajamas? I chose the later. Not because it was easier for me, but because I want him to have a successful morning and (hopefully) build off of it in the future. Maybe seeing how easy mornings can go and that the things I’m asking him to do aren’t a big deal, will snowball us into better mornings. 🙏🏻
What’s my point in telling you this long-winded story about my son’s morning? It goes back to the beginning of the post. You have NO idea what your students or their families have had to deal with in the morning. So if you saw my three year old out in pajamas but didn’t know our context or reasoning behind that decision, you could make all kinds of judgements about me as a mom. You could think I’m lazy or give in to my kids or let the kids call all of the shots (none of which are true). You have no idea what your students and their families deal with when you aren’t around. The truth is, you have very little interaction with your students’ families outside of emails, conferences, and phone calls (and hopefully you are having positive interactions and not just interacting when there is an issue). So here’s what that means for me. It starts with my thoughts. I CHOOSE to believe that every parent/guardian is doing the very best they can for their kids. There are no perfect people, parents, or teachers. I have no idea what the adults have been through in life or what their home life is like. I don’t know how much food they have or if they’ve gone hungry just to make sure their kids get at least one meal a day, even if it’s an unhealthy choice because that’s all they can afford. If I were to judge them because I don’t think they parent like I do or think like I do, who wins? The answer is NO ONE. If I make a judgement, even if I just think it and don’t say it out loud, I’m subconsciously removing myself from being on the same team with my students and their families. Isn’t that the point, though? To be on the SAME team? To make it a successful environment for your students both at home and school by working together and helping your students to generalize the skills at home that they’ve learned at school? I also CHOOSE to believe that kids do well if they can, but that’s an different post for a different day.
Circling back to the picture, your judgements affect your interactions with students and their families. It affects their year with you, which can also affect the next year and so on. It affects their future relationships with their future teachers and their assumptions about teachers and schools in general. It affects their lives. There’s already enough finger-pointing in education and not enough solutions. Let’s start by practicing what we preach and showing kindness for others through our thoughts, words, and actions. Imagine the impact THAT would make.
FYI- To be clear, I am not talking about ignoring signs or not making a call if there are signs of abuse or neglect – all school personnel are mandated reporters. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, you are required to report that.
The Purposeful Classroom 